Spite Bites
Chocolate for people you can’t stand.
A little chocolate. A lot of attitude.
- No gratitude required!
- Zero warm fuzzies!
- 100% passive-aggressive perfection!
“THANK YOU” IS
OVERRATED.
GIFTS FOR PEOPLE WHO DON’T DESERVE THEM.
Petty on demand: everything is made when you order it and shipped straight to the target. Not a single item was made in advance. We didn’t care that much.
★ Not ready to commit? Serve them a free Official Notice of Pettiness first.
★ Images of printed items are renders of the actual print files. The chocolate image is an artist’s impression. Shipping is calculated live in the cart.
ADD A LITTLE PERSONALITY.
Got something you’ve been meaning to say? Now you can say it in chocolate.
One note per order, up to 200 characters. It’s printed and packed with the parcel: on a card with chocolate, and as the gift message on the packing slip for printed items. Plain text only (emoji don’t survive the printer). We won’t print threats, hate or anything illegal. Keep it petty, not criminal.
NEED INSPIRATION?
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PICK YOUR TARGET
Choose the person who deserves a little chocolate.
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ADD SOME SPITE
Choose your product and include a message if you’re feeling particularly generous.
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SEND THE DAMAGE
It’s made to order and sent straight to their door.
IT’S NOT THE THOUGHT THAT COUNTS.
Flowers are temporary. Cards are boring. And honestly, some people don’t deserve either.
Spite Bites is chocolate with a little less love and a lot more personality.
Perfect for colleagues, family members, exes, awkward acquaintances and anyone who makes your eye twitch.
IT’S THE SPITE.
FREQUENTLY ASKED GRIEVANCES
What is Spite Bites?
A chocolate bar for people you can’t stand. It’s a joke gift with real chocolate inside — the sarcasm is on the wrapper, not in the ingredients.
What kind of chocolate is it?
Milk chocolate from a European chocolate maker. It isn’t on sale yet: we’re still choosing who gets to make it, and we’re being difficult about it. Press “Notify me” on the chocolate above and you’ll get one email when it launches, along with the full ingredients, allergens and nutrition information.
Can I send it as a gift?
Absolutely. That’s the whole point. Enter the recipient’s address at checkout and it ships straight to them, with no prices or receipts in the parcel. Your receipt goes to you by email.
Can I add a personalised message?
Yes, up to 200 characters in the “Add a little personality” box. It goes in the parcel: printed on a card with chocolate orders, and printed as the gift message on the packing slip for the Ledger, tee and bumper sticker. Plain text only; emoji are removed because printers hate joy. We won’t print notes that are threatening, hateful or illegal.
Is everything made to order?
Yes. The Ledger, tee and bumper sticker are printed on demand when you order and shipped straight to the recipient, usually within 2–5 working days of printing. If your order mixes chocolate and printed items, they arrive as two separate parcels. Spite comes in waves.
What are the Spite Wall Calendar and the grudge book?
Coming soon. The calendar is for planning a year of organised resentment; the book, How to Keep a Grudge for Generations, is being written right now. Press “Notify me” on either one and you’ll get a single email when it’s out.
How long does delivery take?
Merch is printed to order (2–5 working days) and then shipped: typically 3–6 working days in Europe and the US, longer elsewhere. Your order page shows tracking as soon as it ships. The chocolate isn’t on sale yet; when it is, hot-weather orders may get insulation or a short delay so your spite doesn’t melt.
Where do you ship?
Almost everywhere. Pick the destination in the cart and you’ll see the exact shipping price before you pay. Outside the EU the recipient may be charged local import duties, which is honestly a bonus. A few countries (including the UK for now) are excluded for legal reasons.
What allergens does it contain?
The chocolate isn’t on sale yet. It will be milk chocolate, so it will contain milk; the maker’s full allergen statement goes on our food information page and on the pack before a single bar ships. The merch contains no allergens, only resentment.